The epitome of absurd

Flood pants

2006-09-14T09:15:00.000-04:00

My mom was right.. she did make my pants too short! She hemmed them up 'cause, as always, all the pants out there are far too long for my little legs.. Sadly, she took out a bit too much, so now i am wearing my black dress pants just above the crotch so that they look like they are the perfect length.. But when i sit down, there is no fooling anyone!

Everyone's chatting it up at work.. I'm lucky in the sense that I work in an environment that allows for interaction with co-workers, so no complaints in that department. Still, I long for my bed since my lack of adequate sleep last night left me feeling quite ill.. more so than yesterday when i felt like a giant paper mache' head on a toothpick. I literally feel so sick today that I want to drape myself over a toilet and puke my gallbladder and all other entrails.

My desire to go home is actually next to zero as my options for amusement at home are limited to activities on the computer... or cooking.. or cleaning.. I miss watching Spongebob and Dead like Me.. I should have brought my dvd player with me, but I left it at home for Andreia. I'm really crabby and miserable, as you can tell, but I'm not even sure if it's from having a cold anymore... or from the fact that i wake up before 7 every day, long before the alarm goes off... I feel like i am in a constant state of stress and panic over the impending bills up ahead.. or having it all rest on my shoulders.. Making sure i have enough to make ends meet.. I'm going mental, and i don't realize it until i burst into tears as i am driving around to work or from work.. I don't think much will change until i settle into some sort of routine, and know that i will be ok financially at the end of the month. Until then, I will keep rocking back and forth on my chair!

Two more weeks to go!

Thud

2006-09-14T08:55:00.000-04:00

That's me.. passing out! After an exhaustive two weeks of moving and driving and carrying/lifting many MANY items, I feel dead to the world... I survived my first week of mon-sunday work, and now i've been hit with a cold that threatens to rob me of sleep and keep me in a semi-sedated state for my awake hours..

I guess I really should not be taking this whole being away from my family so hard, considering that for many years i wished to be out of the house.. Not like i can tell my mother that, cause she is so damn miserable herself that she cries her eyes out whenever she sees me... Telling her that i don't feel great myself would just enforce her belief that i really should be home with her.

I know I should be happy, but i couldn't feel farther from that feeling right now.. I just want to hide under a rock and never come out again!

I just hope that it gets easier somehow!

P.S. - I've magically lost all sorts of weight because of stress and early morning exercise... actually, mostly stress.

Finally, a break!

2006-07-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

Today, 28 July 2006
Every once in a while life is in a generous mood, and that's likely to be the case with you. This could manifest in a number of ways, some not entirely unexpected, but others a complete surprise. While these are so exciting that you might be anxious, things really are just as good as they seem.

So here's the deal.. I went out today to look at an apartment by York U, and i fell in love with it and its surroundings, and i made it my own.. it was too good to pass on!
I get home and my sister tells me to call this girl I had an interview with yesterday.. turns out she wants to give me a job!

Wow, never would have expected the sun to come out for me today!

Time to celebrate... FINALLY!!

Kisses to all of those who showed me their support and kind words of encouragement.. thanks especially to Nancy who gave me a great reference! :)

Love yas

C.*

Park fun!

2006-06-21T12:29:00.000-04:00

Who put that stove there!??

2006-06-18T21:30:00.000-04:00

Cringe

2006-06-06T07:45:00.000-04:00

The countdown begins... the countdown to the end of the infernal internship i have been doing for the past month or so... And do i ever hate it! Everyday i pray for death, or some horrile mangling accident that will keep me from finishing the full placement!

As always, new changes bring about much anguish and sleepless nights for me.. Not getting any phonecalls regarding interviews is not helping the cause either! :(

I wanna curl up into a little ball and cry myself into a coma..

For those who believe.. pray for me, will you??

C.*

HURRAH!!

2006-04-24T19:47:00.000-04:00

It finally happened... I just had my very last class today!
I have officially finished school!

I graduate in June, though... and i still have 2 essays to hand in once all my field placements finish.. but really... i am done! :)

So what's next?? Probably back to paper whoring, because although there is high demand for DSW workers, there are very few full-time positions... and i can't support two people on good intentions!

Wish me luck... things are about to get interesting!

a looooooooooooooong hiatus!

2006-03-04T17:29:00.000-05:00

Now that i no longer work at Expertech, i do not update my blog as i have always done my entries at work when i was bored... nowadays the only time i have at the computer is a few minutes right after my sister goes to sleep, moments before i feel tired myself....

School has been much more draining than i had imagined, as the environment is not highly condusive to my learning! Luckily, i am only there once a week!

My part time job is keeping me afloat financially for now, but i am about to embark on 4 days per week for my co-op placement, so my funds will be drastically reduced! :/ (Oh, for those of you that don't know.. i have to pay school to do my co-op placement, and not the other way around!)

Any free time i have is spent driving to Woodstock to see the beau and help him out with home things.. makes me feel good, but is a little draining.... Good thing it is temporary as he will be moving down to the big T-dot in the summer!
Yeay me, or rather, yeay us!

Contact with friends is minimal, if any... and i am starting to lose my marbles!
Other than that.. I graduate June 20, so yeay me!

If you think of me.. send me chocolate!

2005-12-20T14:55:00.000-05:00

I am still dreaming of Scotland and longing for my next trip

2005-12-20T14:53:00.000-05:00

Today, dear Cancer, a love relationship could be plagued by doubts, uncertainties, and insecurities. Does your beloved share your passion? Is your friend being honest and open with you? Furthermore, does this relationship have a future? The only way to get past these inner conflicts is to take one step at a time, and take a good long look at the results of each step. Only in this way will your doubts be resolved one way or the other.

Devoid

2005-12-20T14:49:00.000-05:00

Funny, no one ever asks me if i want help unless i ask for it or raise hell...
Few accept the fact that underneath all this cynicism there is a wounded person that needs lots of love and nurturing.. fewer less go out of their way to offer me what i need.

Right now all i have is an empty feeling - this saint is no more!

2005-12-05T09:20:00.000-05:00

Things i didn't know..

2005-12-05T09:06:00.000-05:00

According to my dad (as per a conversation he had with my sister this weekend which i was at work) :

I am 22...

I am still living at home because I am a failure, and not because i was threatened with being disowned if i moved out before getting married.

I do not yet have a career because of my choice of post-secondary school, had i not chosen architecture (God knows where he got that one from) i would have been better off today!

My sister will also have a horrible life like myself because of her choice of highschool (God doesn't look out for those in public school)

And then a lecture at 6 this morning...

According to my mother:

Not only middle class people like ourselves have problems with making choices as far as careers.. it appears that rich kids have that problem also! (Shockin, isn't it?)

I should start having children now before it is too late, because I am getting close to 30 and my mother hit menopause at 45 which means that my biological clock has just fast-forwarded a decade...

I should not wait to "start my life" with someone when everything is "perfect" because that will never happen.

And the following i learnt last night:

People who have been psychologically damaged by their parents make awesome social service workers because apparently need to be crazy in order to keep from burning out!

Yeay, unemployment!

2005-11-23T07:37:00.000-05:00

Yes yes... i have lost my full-time job due to 'restructuring'.... i.e - the company can afford all the execs who make money off the little people, but not the little people themselves... they don't count!

So please, don't email me at work because i won't be there!
I'm at home, feeling like a criminal considering that they walked me off the premises on monday after sunday when no one else was there, so none of my coworkers knew i was not returning until yesterday when i called and let them know! Yeay, working is fun!

As a side note, my dad's hours have been drastically cut, and he might be out of a job until next Jan or Feb..... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Is there a clock up there? Is my time up?

2005-11-17T16:38:00.000-05:00

I went to the 'special' doctor today.. you know, the one that probes your love cavern! As he did his thing, he asks, "So are you gonna start having kids soon?"

Number one
- I feel weird enough with you down there, the last thing i want while in a comprimising situation is small talk!

Number two
-Is there a biological clock up there indicating my time is running out?

It's hard not to think about it when you are sitting in a waiting room of pregnant women, and women with children running about and making their little cooing sounds..

"Are you married?"
No

"Don't you like kids?"
Yes

What is it about being in your mid twenties that makes you automatically elligible for birthing? I wonder about those women in their mid-late thirties who are still trying desperatly to find a suitable companion, let alone a FATHER for the children they 'should' have had a decade ago.. How do they feel about being constantly reminded of their childless/husband-less existence?

What a stupid question.. how much of an ogre do you have to be to not like kids?

Yeay!

2005-11-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

Cancer Horoscope
For The Week Starting November 7, 2005
- You may be just starting to feel some anticipation for earning more money. Whatever you have invested in should suddenly make a turn for the better. Unexpected success is just down the road. Sudden and unexpected opportunities are coming your way so be ready to grab the “brass ring” as it comes by and be sure to hang on.

In related news, I got a call this week from Comm. Living about an interview i went to a few weeks back... I got the job! :)

2005-11-03T13:16:00.000-05:00

Halloween and so much more

2005-10-31T16:00:00.000-05:00

Enough already!

2005-09-22T08:47:00.000-04:00

You know that nagging little voice inside your mind that reminds you that you could be doing something better with your time? Mine never shuts up! Problem with me is that i am too lazy to do anything about it!

Then again, is it really laziness, or just lack of motivation?

Lately I have been fantasizing about running around and screaming at people for being stupid, but i think deep down, we all have that desire, no?

I've been dreaming of travels again.. places so exotic and remote that i am unable to communicate with the locals, but heavens know that i could not feel happier in a dream.. Except last night when i woke up 3 times thinking there was something crawling on the floor around my bed!?

Shut up, children! I am trying to learn!

2005-09-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

Some people should not be in school.. really!

I've never been fortunate enough to have my parents pay for my schooling, but if they had, chances are i would be very appreciative and would certainly try my best to do well in my studies and pay attention in all my classes...

Most people in this said situation, do not!
These are the same people i find in a class of 67.. for 3 hours on tuesdays..

Oy, my head!

WoW

2005-08-30T10:08:00.000-04:00

And she's back... my sweet Angel arrived safely last night! She was eager to jump on to WoW and get her shaman up to par ;)

Support Sho-Off

2005-08-25T10:50:00.000-04:00

My monkey

2005-08-23T09:25:00.000-04:00

I miss my Angel... she's been gone for almost 2 months now, and I'm starting to feel like an only child again!

The house feels like it's lacking something... probably the joy and livelihood that only a child can bring to a home!

Anyhow, she's coming back on monday.. so i don't have to be sad for much longer!

I get to keep my job when school starts.. but to make up the hours that i miss on tuesdays when i am not working, i have 3 ten hour days.. :/ But, at least i don't have to end up working at a mall somewhere making minimum wage!

Hope you all are well!!

C.*

The little things

2005-08-10T12:11:00.000-04:00

You know when people say that "it's the little things that count the most?".. I am a firm believer of that!

Two days ago i enlarged three pictures of my sister and parents, and printed them out so that my mother could hang them over the fireplace.. She was deliriously happy!

Yesterday on my drive in to work while i was stopped at a traffic light, i turned to my left and a little girl was looking at me from the backseat of her mother's car.. when she realized that i was looking back at her, she waved and smiled, so i waved back... I ended up smiling all the way to work!

Sometimes, an old song that brings back memories will have the same effect on me.. more so when it's sunny out!

It's remarkable just how much you take for granted on a day-to-day basis.. your ability to walk, talk, the friends you assume will always be available some other time when you are not as busy, the relatives that you believe will live forever, your autonomy, the control you have over your own decisions...

Take this time to embrace the blessings in your life, and remind those special to you that you appreciate their presence in your life..

July/August

2005-08-09T07:36:00.000-04:00

June/July 05

2005-07-29T07:05:00.000-04:00

I know i am not the only one!

2005-07-19T15:37:00.000-04:00

I have always had a problem with money.... with spending, mostly.. I can't seem to easily let go of money to buy something for my self, but when it comes to spending it on others.... it flows like water!

Not surprising that i tend to overdo it, and then feel the burn at the end of the month when i check my final balance..

My biggest issue is leveling the urge to spend with accepting it back..
I am not good at asking people for money.. God only knows how many people still owe me money from highschool, because i never chased them down and harrassed them for it!

I firmly believe that if people want to pay you back for something, they will do it, regardless of your polite - no, that's alright, don't worry about it!
Just the other day, i got shoved into a taxi and had money thrown in my face to pay for it.. perhaps not the most gallant way to get me a free cab ride, but it worked.. I got my cab ride, and i knew that this person was not gonna take no for an answer! I was happy that i didn't pay, and i didn't feel bad about asking for money since i had none with me at the time!

I guess i could be less of a pussy and just say, "Yes, it will be nice if you can help me with paying for (blank), instead of feeling like some money grabbing bitch at the mere thought of agreeing with people's offers.... Unfortunately, i have not been programmed that way.. then I feel bad about freaking out... feel even worse for having a bank account in the negative digits because I feel "bad" about accepting help..

The only one that loses out with all this, is me!

a taxing weekend...

2005-07-18T20:23:00.000-04:00

more like an expensive weekend! :/

All was good until yesterday afternoon when i said "I'm surprised nothing bad happened", and then, God took notice of me!

All sorts of lights slowly started showing up on the dashboard - parking break, airbag, oil, once my abs light came on, i knew i had to pull over... and then on the 401, my car died...

Tow to the closest garage - $75
Cab ride to civilization - $115
New alternator and labour - $325
Getting bitched at for being stupid and not taking care of my car properly, being berated and told that i'll never amount to anything, having best friend bitch me out for not having enough time the past two days to introduce her to my man - priceless!

Happy birthday to me!

yumm!!

2005-07-01T23:23:00.000-04:00

Alone with the moon

2005-06-29T21:48:00.000-04:00

Empty-handed
Devoid of all rational thoughts and alone..
Alone with the moon.
Silly girl, she smirks in contempt
Why do you bother?
Inspiration alone won't get you there!
Your fleeting words
cannot be contained
in the messy pages
beneath your small hands..
They bleed with your tears of sorrow.
Heavy as your heart might be
you struggle forward
as if you see a light
that does not seem to exist
Foolish girl,
time runs through your fingers,
unsubstantial and infinite.
Fleeting words
lost in the river of tears that runs down your cheeks,
leaving scars of dreams not yet fulfilled.
Life is an illusion,
surrender yourself to the night!

© June2905CS9:55pm

Self-actualization..

2005-06-24T12:47:00.000-04:00

Alot can be said for having the opportunity to do what you want, and enjoying it to no end..

Unfortunately, I do not know what that's like at this point in my life.. but everyday, i get closer to it! I will be volunteering at a nursery school summer camp in two weeks, and i am quite delirious about the opportunity to get exposure..
Psychotically delirious!

I'd also like to say YEAY MIA, i never gave her credit for finally going back to school and doing what she's been talking about for years! You're such an inspiration! I'm so proud of you! :)

Have a great weekend, children!

Angel

2005-06-18T15:16:00.000-04:00

Self awareness - Cognitive truisms

2005-06-16T14:02:00.000-04:00

Self awareness is the first step to make life changes. Without self awareness or becoming cognitive of ones situation, no progress can be made.

If you are not happy, it is your fault.

If you feel inadequate, it is because you are. No one is perfect.

People who anger you control you.

You didn’t have control over your beginnings, but you do your endings.

If you rely on others for your self esteem, you don’t have any self esteem.

Grow up, stop whining, chill out, let it go, get a life.

Not everyone will like you, but that is okay.

Mistake is the name you give to your bad choices.

You can choose to do wrong, but you can’t choose the consequences.

The more you try to fix others, the more you ruin yourself.

No one can put you down unless you give them your permission.

What you do to others, you do to yourself.

A survivor has healed. A victim still has an open wound.

If you feel lonely, hopeless, helpless, rejected and defeated, welcome to life.

The biggest lies are the lies you tell yourself.

If we don’t like ourselves, we will punish ourselves.

If I am not responsible for my life, then who is?

You have the power to heal or hurt, so why not heal?

It isn’t life that causes our problems, but how you react to them.

Don't you wish it was winter again?

2005-06-11T20:01:00.000-04:00

Fu*k... I don't!
I'd rather melt away for the next millenium... I took a nap a while ago and dreamt of palm trees and flying robots... and I was only a few inches tall (not that different from real life, it seems) and I was trying to find a good treadmill so I can not look fourty in the summer with my out of shape everything... yuck!

Good thing I woke up drenched in sweat and now I weigh 3 lbs less than this morning.

Yeay.. Summer's awesome!

Blah Blah Blah!

2005-06-11T19:58:00.000-04:00

It's a million degrees and I wish we had a pool nearby.. THAT WAS OPEN!

Muzzak is good!

2005-06-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

I just picked up the Gorillaz cd.. "Demon days" - Is good.. is very good!
And Cool Britannia, a compilation from 102.1.. c'est bon aussi!

Yeay muzzak!

Erroneous misconceptions...

2005-06-10T10:44:00.000-04:00

I find that most people believe they know what i am all about, but truth is, they haven't a clue! I can come across as very arrogant, loud and abnoxious... but I can also come across as introverted, insecure and shy...It all depends on the company. People have this idea that because I do everything that i can in my power to make them happy, that I will throw everything away for their sake, but, that's not the case!

People who feel they know me well still don't know half of what there is to know.. about who I am, what I enjoy, what i desire, and what i fear..

I'm all about trying to fit the cube into a rectangular slot... It won't work, but i tell myself that it will.. that if i push hard enough, that if i am strong enough, it will fit, and everything will be peachy! (Speaking of peaches, I just finished a delicious fuzzy one)

So once again, i come to the realization that I make myself believe that i want the life that other people desire, so that I can avoid making my own plans, for fear and terror that i will fail.. and i give up everything in hopes that it will please others, and that they will love me more... I'm feeling like the gerbil again, at this point!

But the fact of the matter is that i don't desire a cookie cutter life.. I do not wish to be the stereotypical mundane office worker, deliriously happy mother who does nothing but bake cookies and knows nothing of their children, complacent housewife that has no friends or support outside of her seemingly blissful and uneventful marriage... Oh boy, doesn't it all make you quiver with desire?

I want to experience many different things in life.. I want to look forward to lots of adventures, to lots of travelling and finding my way through interesting places, I want to meet people who challenge my way of thinking and teach me how it feels to see the world through their eyes.. I want to look forward to having children one day with someone who'll believe in my ability to be a great role model and nurturer.. I look forward to having water fights and run barefoot through an open field, regardless of who is around, just because I feel like it!

I feel like running around barefoot at work right now, but there's staples on the floor! (quietly sobs in disappointment)

Have a great freaking day everyone!

2005

2005-06-08T16:35:00.000-04:00

Horoscope - Cancer in 2005

As a Cancer, you were born under the sign that combines sensitivity with strength. Those who know you best are aware of this. In fact, family and close friends depend on you for support, both in times of stress and when they need inspiration.

While most are conscious of your capacity to be sympathetic and supportive, not everybody is fully conscious of your strength and determination. You have a rare variety of power. While there are a number of Cancerian entrepreneurs, those who start a business and through effort and determination develop it into a thriving enterprise, there are as many Cancers who work behind the scenes, supporting others who excel. It is for this reason many depend on you.

During the past year and a half, while the planet of focus and achievement, Saturn, has been in your sign, you've been analysing this side of your nature. You've both thought and reflected on what you do with these special talents, with your energy and your time. You've considered your own goals, and thought about your focus on yourself versus the time you devote to others.

This focus continues during the first half of 2005. However, you'll proceed from analysis to making decisions, some important. What you've already decided and what you're considering will influence the lives of partners and associates. In fact, it will be a source of important discussion during the year's first half.

If there's any one theme to the year, it's 'inspiration'. With the expansive Jupiter forming a fantastic aspect to the visionary Neptune twice in 2005, in mid-March and on 17 August, you and those around you will both have a vision of what's possible and the energy to put those ideas into action. Consequently, if during the first half of the year you feel you're giving up more than you're keeping, there's no need to hurry things, or to worry.

Perhaps the most important period of the year takes place in your birthday month. First, there's the Cancer new moon, on 6 July, which constitutes a sort of a personal new year for you. Then, only 10 days later, on 16 July, the stern Saturn departs from your sign, ending a long, demanding and profitable cycle. As a result of both of these, you'll be reviewing your priorities. What you learn as a result of a combination of events around this time and analysis will make so much from the past fall into place.

You'll also be thinking about what you do with your time, the activities that you enjoy and how you look - your style. Many Cancers are careful, cautious about taking chances, spending extra money or wary of taking the spotlight from others. Yet, as the year of 2005 unfolds, you'll begin to want more from life. You'll appreciate luxury. You may even begin to spoil yourself a little bit. And because Cancer is one of the most sensitive, aware signs of the zodiac, you'll also begin to find yourself attracted to things that accent that side of your nature.

Both changes and exciting developments continue throughout 2005. This also means close relationships will change. In many cases, these arise because you'll be stronger, and that strength will mean that you'll be more respected by others. If you're in an existing relationship, the equilibrium is likely to change. And if you're looking for a partner, then you might find yourself aiming higher than you'd dared imagine previously, seeking somebody more interesting, powerful or important, simply because your self-esteem has blossomed as a result of what you've faced, achieved and dealt with.

Similarly, your world becomes a bigger place. You'll find yourself meeting new and more interesting people. And where before you might have wanted to stick with who and what you know, or even felt shy, now you'll feel confident and even excited about encounters that would once have intimidated you.

If there's anything to watch out for, any trouble to be aware of during 2005, it's those self-doubts that have so often slowed you down in the past. You sometimes forget about the inner strength that, at other times, becomes the support of friends, family and colleagues. You may need them to remind you how powerful you are. Or you may need time on your own to reflect on whether the doubts you're wrestling with are based on legitimate concerns and those of an emotional nature.

Do this and you'll distinguish between doubts that can be dealt with by taking action and seeking advice and those that are nothing more than that: mere doubts, only a worry. They're ideas you can change by changing your perspective. And during 2005 you'll know that you have the strength to overcome any such obstacles or doubts, whatever their source, whether they're in the form of a difficult person or a practical problem.

Most of all, you'll find that during the year of 2005 you're able to balance the time you spend for yourself and the time you invest in others. All too often those around you – loved ones or family, colleagues or work – come first, leaving very little for yourself. As you live out the first half of 2005 you'll analyse these habits, and you may even decide that it's time to make some changes.

Once Saturn leaves your sign, on 16 July, a new and far easier cycle of your life begins. You'll find that offers and opportunities come your way, some of which you'd never have expected. If you have the courage to say yes to these, then you'll find that not only will what you learn about setting aside time for yourself proves helpful, but it will be the beginning of an exciting and rewarding new cycle of your life.

this one's for jools!

2005-06-08T16:14:00.000-04:00

Today, Wednesday, June 08, 2005
You don't mind a verbal scuffle or two. In fact you tend to feel that sharp exchanges both clear the air and wake up everybody's thinking. Keep in mind, however, that one particularly sensitive individual could not only take your questions too much to heart, a confrontation could bring out their stubborn streak.

Winds of change

2005-06-08T16:11:00.000-04:00

Cancer

Today, Wednesday, June 08, 2005
You have any number of reasons for sidestepping certain rather tricky issues. Amongst these is the fact that others don't want to confront these situations any more than you do. However, with each day they're getting worse, and they'll continue to do so until you decide that it's time to undertake the necessary changes.

Gerbils rule!

2005-06-07T22:24:00.000-04:00

As i embrace (or so i tell myself) the coming of yet another birth day, I look back at what i've seen and done, and I think of what I have learnt in the past year!

What the hell HAVE I learnt??

Hmm...

Not much, it appears... as I often find myself drawing comparison to my experiences this year to experiences from years before! Luckily, I am not alone in this.. Many of us seem to be stuck in a cyclical pattern of idiodicy, not unlike the mighty gerbil on his shiny wheel!

I like spending time with the few friends i have... I know it's rare to find a time when ALL of our schedules coincide, but the desire to see them is always there.. And what do i do? I make myself even more unavailable (who knew that was possible) Score one for gerbil-girl!

I like going out to loungy, non-pretentious places downtown.. walking through the grimmy streets of Toronto and watch people interact with each other and their environment, but I find that all the time I do spend around here is at work, at school and at home.. sleeping! Not much time to do what i like... Score two!

I realize that despite how upset i get with the overall ignorance of most human beings, i have grown to be a LOT more social than i ever realized.. And it's something that I have developed a taste for... I don't think that's going to change anytime soon! Yet, I hide!

What good do experiences do if you're not learning from them? Even animals learn from their experiences... My friends, you and i, are no better than the mighty gerbil after all... He only needs to get burnt once to know better... We pratically volunteer to fly head first into the live wires... just cause it's less boring that way!

Shrimp patties

2005-05-23T03:33:00.000-04:00

I feel as if i got alot more done in the past few days than i have been able to in the past few weeks.. Guess getting up really early does in fact pay off!
For the first time in many MANY moons, i have been extremely social.. all facilitated by Jules, of course! Yeay Jules, and her love donut!

Spending the last few nights 'on the town' have been nothing short of wonderful, not to say refreshing.. It was awesome to meet people who share in my love for music, and be able to connect with them in so many different levels.. I feel alive with hope! I am once again able to see myself through different people's eyes and feel good about the image they reflect back to me..

BOOM!

2005-05-20T10:09:00.000-04:00

That's the sound of my brain exploding...
I finally found my battery charger so that i can use my camera once again, and take lots of pictures and colour this blog beautiful and sordid in one swoop!
To all those interested, i will be (hopefully) attending school full-time in september so that i can finish this infernal program once and for all! If it all goes well, i will be a DSW next June! I can't wait to leave the paperpushing behind and do something meaningful with my life! Yeay me!

Let's go camping sometime!

Non-negotiables

2005-05-10T17:01:00.000-04:00

We all have our likes and our dislikes.. things we feel we can't live without.. dreams we swear we will never give up on..

Relationships are more difficult than most people realize, since open and direct communication is often complicated by emotions..

For some, smoking is grounds for losing interest in someone you previously thought to be a great person for you.. a recent talk with a coworker unveiled the fact that not 'swallowing' is a deciding factor of whether or not to pursue a relationship with someone whom they previously decided was a great person for them..

How do you (pardon the pun) bring up such a topic in the begining stages of courting?
The said coworker gave me some percentages of females who a) go down south, and b) are willing to ingest the dna of their partner... Needless to say, i found the minute percentages staggering! Then again, who conducts surveys of such matters anyhow?

Longing

2005-04-30T09:28:00.000-04:00

It's at times such as this that i miss home the most...
When i am devoid of all joy, feeling fragmented and torn..

I miss the swaying of the palmtrees along the beach, and the salty smell that lingers in the air all year round..

Sometimes the people you feel you know the best are the ones you actually know the least. They're the ones that desert you in your time of need, and leave you in pieces without a care.

Feels as if i am back at square one..

I miss home

Is it just me?

2005-04-27T17:25:00.000-04:00

Or has life become sorely boring?

Honestly, is it just me, or has all my spare time decreased and my work hours increased?

Bah, what's wrong with all of this!?

Maybe i am in dire need of something to do to feel remotely productive, or could this be the transition into adulthood(and maturity - yuck) creeping up on me, leaving me feeling like a useless slug unless i occupy my free time with something... ANYTHING!

Or am i in dire need of psychotropic drugs?

Funny how i can sit at this stale desk all day and think of all the things i want to bitch about, and the moment I decided to write, it's all gone...

I miss high school and the few good times i had back then... Real life is sucky, unless you're doing what you enjoy (who IS doing what they enjoy anyhow??)

I applied for a position working out in 'the field' as they call it, being a splicer.. Some bullshit innitiative from the VP to get women labourers.. Well, if they wanna pay me a crapload of money to pump water out of manholes and splice cable, who am i to object?

I gotta start taking some pictures.. this blog has become rather devoid of visual aids!

Uninspired

2005-04-22T07:12:00.000-04:00

i once crossed paths with someone who changed my perspective on the inner workings of a guy's mind...

Never had I met anyone else (guy or girl) that had so much love in his heart to spare!
His greatest source of creativity was inspiration fueled by everything he loved...
He one day confessed to me that while in highschool, his greatest desire waas to have a child, just so he can make something out of pure love, and spend all his energy and effort into giving that child all the support and nurturing it required, and beyond..
Baffled, i wondered if he tried to have that plan come to fruition, and to my great surprise, he claimed that he had never dated throughout highschool... But he fantasized often about having a little life depend on him, because he so desperately felt the need to love...

Imagine that, complete selflessness at the age of 15 and beyond..
Who would have thought!

Me and B

2005-04-13T13:05:00.000-04:00

It's been an interesting 24hrs.. feel like my world has been turned upside down and my guts are inside out... Being severely sleep deprived is not helping me either, but I'm coping!

I haven't hung around with B. in the past while.. feels like the last time was new years almost 2 years ago, when i had a hickee on my neck the size of saturn which could be seen from the furthest recesses of the universe!

How appropriate that we get together now, both in the middle of an emotional crisis which seems to be the driving force of our lives..

I had to pick at the skin on my finger, now i'm finger typing with my left hand because the right one is soaked in blood.. is this classified as an SIB (self-injurious behavior?) Me thinks so!

Extended recess

2005-04-12T21:54:00.000-04:00

If i ever did have an audience, someone must have noticed that i have not updated this page in quite some time... I don't have a legitimate excuse, I just haven't bothered to do it!

I wish i could somehow condense all that has happened in the last few weeks into a well written synopsis, but alas, I haven't the patience!

I am looking forward to warmer weather, and doing things outside... I am in dire need of a picture taking session... it's been MONTHS since i have used my camera for a worthy photo montage!

Work sucks really bad, and i wish i could just leave and start working in the field without sacrificing the paycheque i have grown so accustomed to (how's that for horrid grammar?)

For those who don't know... I have developed a 'slight' addiction to WoW (world of warcraft) , although it is getting better as time progresses, and i am no longer getting to work late consistently as a result of my obsessive playing at all hours of the day and night!

Wanna know what else is going on? Gimmie a shout!
Kisses to all those i haven't seen in a while, and those that have drifted away!

Things you may not have known ..

2005-02-09T13:33:00.000-05:00

I hated spinach as a child - these days, i can't get enough of it... Now kidney beans, that's a different matter.. They have been forever blacklisted!

The first thing I have ever wanted to be when I was young was a hairdresser... The second was an archeologist.. And look at me now!

I had two dogs as a kid.. the first one was Bobby and the second was Snoopy.. they both died of diseases unknown to me! *sniff*

I had my very first kiss at 16.. I've learnt to enjoy it since then!

I have over 15 cooking scars... most of those come from burns, the rest from cuts. My most serious one left me with no sensation on my left thumb

I bite the inside of my lips when I get nervous... one of my many nervous habits!

My favourite flowers are white lillies, my favourite scents are lilac and lavender

On the highway, I often drive between 140 and 170... anything less is a waste of time

In high school, someone spread a rumour about me being pregnant in grade 11...

I went to the prom with 3 girlfriends and had a blast

I drink herbal tea without sugar

I have dark circles on my right iris.. err... or is it my left?

At this very moment, I am fantasizing about running with scissors!

2005-02-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

The University of Blogging

Presents to
cerelleanblue

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Survey Science

Majoring in
Psychotic Ranting

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Oh my!!

2005-02-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

Quizilla thinks I'm a fascist! The NERVE!!!!

The freaks of the world hope you lied. You're a
Fascist and you don't think you're very
freakish; however, that's what makes you
exceptionally scary (not in the good way)! You
probably wear fishnets and clip-on earrings
around the house and have a collection of dirty
magazines from the early 1950s.

Smythe Reisner Abnormality Index (aka Freak Quiz!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Apparently, I'm the perfect girfriend as well.... I don't know about all that, but I certainly aim to please!

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Just fucking die already!

2005-02-04T13:57:00.000-05:00

My brain is pushing against the inside of my forehead.... if there was any more pressure, my eyes would pop out of their sockets!

I had an exam on the brain and central nervous system this wednesday..
I was tested on the three meninges (Dura, arachnoid and pia maters) the different parts of the cerebrum, and the cerebral cortex.... but I don't know why my brain is rejecting my body and wanting to get out through my eyesockets....

I feel very alone these days, more so with my maternal figure giving me a hard time..

Someone please club me over the head.. hard enough to knock me unconscious...

Or at least invite me to go dancing!

2005-02-02T10:52:00.000-05:00

no title today.. not everyday is worthy of a title!
I find myself glancing at the clock more often than usual..
Yeay, an exec just passed by with a tray of muffins and offered me one...
Double chocolate chip... How did you know? My stomach thanks you, my brain wishes you dead! Oh well, I'll let reason and glutony fight it out the rest of the day!
Up to this point I've been scarfing down baby carrots like they're going out of style!

Crazy girl is falling asleep at her desk again.. I am so glad that she makes 5 more dollars per hour than I do, and sleeps at her desk all damn day! How infuriating!
She stares at her outlook screen for 8 hours, just waiting for an email from the co-ordinators asking us to have material picked....
Stupid cd rom is threatening to take off like an airplane, doesn't seem to like my brazillian music.. You suck, stupid CD-ROM.. play my love songs!

Brazillian music is definately one of my favourite types.. The love songs always have such wonderful lyrics and melodies... always talk about fiery relationships, passion and undying love.. caters to my romantic, ideal, fantasy-like ways.. and then there's the more upbeat music, with comical analogies and delirious drum patterns.. Watch my hips go!!

Shoot, this muffin is almost done... luckily, I have more carrot sticks! I don't know whether I should be happy or disgusted!

Icefloat

2005-01-31T09:56:00.000-05:00

So I took a trip out to Lake Erie yesterday..
and I ended up doing something I would have never conceived..
I walked out on the lake!
There was a mountain of ice quite a ways from the lighthouse that some courageous folks had gone out to scale! The sun shone down on it viciously, the ice twinkled like stars... it resembled a mountain of crystal or glass! It was beautiful.. blinding, mind you.. but beautiful!
Today is a lazy day and I feel like falling asleep in my chair....

Too late, I am already dreaming!

Sourkeys

2005-01-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

I like sour keys.... I went to the Bulk barn today and got a bag of them!
It's neat how you get a tingly feeling under your tongue as you bring one closer to your lips... anticipation builds as you think of how sour it will feel against your tastebuds!

I have had some difficulties with my school's registration office... I.E their workers are CUNTS! Telling me I can't enroll in my classes and so forth, when the registration calendar clearly states that I can sign up for these classes in question up to the second week after they have started!

Anyhow, I have a bag of keys with my name on it!!
*sucks in cheeks*

Go figure!

2005-01-19T13:59:00.000-05:00

I finally received my mark for a class that I finished back in June of last year.. I found out yesterday from a classmate that the instructor had 'lost' the marks due to some computer glitch.. still, that doesn't explain the length of time it took her to re-enter that information into the student server! Bah!
Well worth the wait, if anything.. I ended up with a 95% final - my highest mark to date in this program.
Brace yourself, kiddies.... that was my mark for a math class!
Quadratic equations, mean and median, algebra and what not... goes to show, math can be tolerated AND understood, if taught by a proficient instructor!
I'll be taking 3 classes this semester, leaving me little time for sanity.. but alas, I will be happier... my braincells will once again be challenged!

Hurrah!!

Brainstorming.... CTRL+ALT+DEL

2005-01-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

Why is it that whenever I make definite plans for myself, something (or someone) throws themself in my way, making it difficult or damn right impossible to follow through?

I thought I was on the right path.. but then I question myself.. I question my ability to see this project to the end, to stay committed enough to take blows along the way and still plow through...

Or perhaps its the thought of letting someone else succumb to a fate that I fear more than death... personal and professional unfulfilment!

Or maybe I should be going to bed at 8 o'clock so I get enough rest and stop being paranoid and doubtful of my abilities.... Maybe I should just suck it up and end this entry

And then she did what?

2005-01-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

It's true... I've had my odd moments throughout life...
I've lived and died... and lived again...
At this point, I don't know what life I am living, but I assume I am on my last one..
I've been a sadist and a masochist..
Then I wisened up and became both..
Sadomasochistic - has a nice ring to it, no?

I've been an angel, and I've been the antichrist... Just ask my grandma - I ate her clay nativity scene when I was 3 and left nothing except for baby Jesus who had been reduced to a leg, an arm, a torso and its head...
Oddly enough, my health complications began after than Christmas... now that I think about it, maybe it's not so odd as it is Karma, really!

2005-01-11T17:42:00.000-05:00

Jan 7, 05

2005-01-11T17:41:00.000-05:00

surprise Nov 04

2005-01-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Imprisoned

2005-01-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Many people pass by my cubicle every day.... Some catch a glimpse of my pictures of Europe scattered all over work space and they ask me questions about my trip...

What was your favourite place? Did you take all these pictures yourself? Was it expensive? Would you do it again? Did you get loaded in Amsterdam? (for those of you who know me well, you know what my answer to the last one!)

So I sit here, missing the sights, the sounds, the elation of being in places with culture.. history.. ambience!

I feel an overwhelming sense of melancholy as I look around at the sterility of this office space.. the dismal look on my coworkers' faces.. the lack of natural light in this dungeon-like hole...

I want to go away again... My spirit is withering away!

2005-01-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

Chords and tabs and frets, oh my!

2005-01-04T16:03:00.000-05:00

It's been long since Kasper taught me the little tidbits of songs that he knew how to play on an acoustic guitar.... almost 5 years, it seems!

This year, Santa was good to Angel, and brought her a guitar, God only knows why! So when she's not looking, I confiscate it and practice whatever chords I print off at work until my fingertips are numb/sore/dented! Such sweet pain, I have never felt!

My return to the painting world is soon to become a reality, as it has been faciliated by the recent purchase of an easel I so desperately needed... thank you, sweetness!! :)

Happy new year to all!

C.*

2004-12-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

Company Xmas party, Dec 4 2004

Grateful

2004-12-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, you meet people you feel will change your life..
whether for the better or worse, you don't know.. that's something that reveals itself with time...
But when you meet these people, you don't need to think about it for long.. you can feel it like an itch, almost!
Sometimes, plans come together with little or no effort on your part, and it works.. it just works!
Sometimes, it's best just to step back, watch life unfold before your eyes, and be thankful for all that comes your way!
Sometimes, i smile in the dark..
Sometimes, I burst out laughing in the middle of a thought while I am working..
Sometimes, I think of how much easier life would be if I would have always had the people that I have now in my life...
But then again, I would not appreciate them as much as I do now!

A myriad of names

2004-12-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

I never had a nickname until just last year... The closest I got to being called something other than my first name was in grade 9.... My english class had 3 carlas in it.. So my teacher, the middle-aged valley girl, decided to differentiate us by our middle names..

The first nickname I had was Pyro, on the account of the plastic garbage bin i unintentionally set on fire at work during a smoke break.. It stuck for a while!

The second nickname I received (also at work) was Carlita.. it caught on, now everyone at work calls me that... What's up Carlita? What's going on Carlita?

Almost everyone with the exception of my previous manager, Daniel... he just calls me Cah-la! I dunno why, he claims that it sounds cute, he just likes saying it!

Then there's the significant other, who calls me a myriad of 'cute' names... I wish I was as inventive.. the best that I can usually come up with is "hunn" or "baby"....

And you, you can call me whatever...

Wishlist

2004-12-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

A trip to Montreal, but not any time soon.. It's cold as ass out there!

Enroll in a non-academic class to learn something new.. Like playing the guitar, or taking Tae kwon do

Do nothing when I get home

Do anything BUT nothing when I get home

Start painting again.. somewhere other than home where my things 'disappear'

Find out what happens to all my left socks, and why they keep disappearing

Finish my "Learning German" instructional book - Das ist der Frau!

Read all the books I so enthusiastically purchased on indigo.ca over the last year, but haven't opened since they arrived in the mail

Find my electric blanket so I stop sleeping in the fetal position and wondering why I wake up feeling as if I have been beat up with a 2'x 4' ALL NIGHT!

Plan my next trip overseas and worry alot about dying in a fiery airborne blaze

Get more clothes... I'm starting to feel like a clown in my baggy shirts, skirts, 10 pairs of jeans that are 3 sizes too big... I have to stop losing weight.. what a financial nightmare!

Vegetate more, grow large with love and happiness... learn to indulge in happy moments and stay strong through the rough spots

Smile more, Cry less, love wholly

Learn to forgive and REALLY mean it

and last, but not least..

eat more ice cream and seafood!

5 weeks, 2 months

2004-12-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

it's been almost 5 weeks since I had my last cigarette... and two months since I have been seeing my belgian delight!

My concept of time must be skewed.. or screwed, depending on who is reading this....

It feels like it has been YEARS since I last smoked, heaven knows that my dreams of being naughty and taking a drag have not helped my occasional cravings... even the current chaotic situation at home seems to ellicit my desire to throw my efforts out the window for one sweet taste of nicotine!

Yuck, you say? Indeed... It's that first drag after an extended recess from smoking that will usually taste like death and emphysema... it's also the same drag that will send happy messages to your brain to remind you of how wonderful it is to numb all your pain, and make things seem to disappear... if only for that short amount of time it takes to finish smoking..

For those of you who are interested, or even remotely curious, things are still on the upward incline with my current beau... Despite all my self-loathing and pity, I've been pretty fortunate these past two months!

Excuse me while I kiss this guy!

2004-12-08T14:50:00.000-05:00

err... the sky!

Christmas is coming and with it:

the headaches,
the empty pockets,
and the occasional screaming matches laced with tears!

Oh boy, the fun of it all!
I wish I could skip the Christmas thing altogether!
I am sorry, my friends, if your gifts this year are rather small.. My trip has really run me into the hole, I am having difficulties bouncing back up to my pre-voyage financial state....

All i want for Christmas is your prayers.. I need strength to get through the next couple of months!

God bless!

2004-12-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Sleek ztuper

2004-12-06T17:27:00.000-05:00

I found him... Toronto's most hated!!

2004-12-06T17:26:00.000-05:00

Bambi Aug 2004

2004-12-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

July 2004

"Yeay, snow!"

2004-12-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

That's what i 'would' say if I liked it... but I don't care much for snow, or its slippery properties!

I'm sitting at my workstation in a quasi-fetal position trying to keep warm.. there is a vent over my head pumping out cold air... I have two a tank top, a t-shirt and a sweater on... yet my hands remain purple, and my feet, ever so numb!

It's difficult to function on little sleep, so I appologize for the rather mundane post....

I leave you with some random facts...

The largest snowflake ever recorded measured 38 cm across. It fell in the United States in 1887.

The driest place on Earth is the Atacama desert in South America. It gets less than 0.1 mm of rain each year.

The temperature of lightning can reach 30,000ºC. When a tree is struck by lightning, the water inside the tree boils and the tree explodes.

More f%^$*!

2004-12-01T11:04:00.000-05:00

I couldn't possibly be less motivated to update this blog..
No one reads it, no one cares.. shit, i don't care either!
This computer has lost its fiendish charms...
Reformatting the hard drive over 5 times in less than 3 months will do that to you!
I'm not bitter, I'm indifferent!
I haven't taken any cool pictures lately to share with anyone..
I go home after work thinking of all the things I want to do, and then I do nothing when i get there... except exercise!
Alas, my free time is not spent in vain after all!
It sure feels like it, though..

I've been meaning to start painting again, a feat that would be enjoyable if i had space to do it...
or even a fucking easel to set my canvas on, because that has been disposed of a few months back by my maternal figure!
So much for motivation.... Yeay me!

I hate.. hate hate hate winter....
fucking winter with its fucking snow and frozen rain,
slipping and sliding my way to work,
feeling like I am in a bumper car steering hard left and hard right,
getting home drenched in sweat for fear of killing myself or others...
Stupid overcast skies with its melancholic frozen tears
making my bones ache as if I am about to come undone..

It's a fucking fabulous day!

I can't deal with this paperpushing any longer..
Work is turning out to be a real snoozefest!
I'm sick ad nauseam of this monotony,
the routine, the robotic nature of the menial tasks I perform day in, day out
all for the sake of a meager restitution..

Freddie Mercury said it best,
in his little apron and fishnet stockings...

"I want to break free!"

F#%*!

2004-11-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

I get so mad sometimes... like I could tear my own skin and flesh out and devour it all without as much as a wince!

I DESPISE having to explain myself to people.. to justify my actions as if I did something bad... ALL THE TIME!

Crucify me, why don't you... perhaps I can redeem your sins as well!

This is not really an entry..
just an afterthough, not unlike my life!

P.S. - I haven't smoked in 1 week and 4 days.. I don't think about it all that much, but I dream about it from time to time!

I'm a quitter too!

2004-11-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

For those of you who didn't know, I stopped smoking... yet again!
I had my last cigarette last friday when i went out with Ztuper to our local dive..

I have been feeling ill, and crabby and psychotic since monday... it's now wednesday, God knows how I'm still coping... I'm glad I am able to be around other smokers without succumbing to the temptation of BEGGING for a drag..

I've done all this before... I know that after the second week, things will be better, and I'll stop dreaming of smoking, or being envious of those who still indulge in the pleasures of nicotine! I will once again be able to taste food properly, and be able to laugh to my heart's content without hacking up a lung...

Most of you have shown concerns about my smoking previously... although on the same token, you realize what a stubborn head i am, and am not easily swayed by what other people think i should or should not do...

So here i am again, trying to be part of the majority of the population who does not smoke... Wish me luck!

C.*

I'M A LOSER!!

2004-11-04T10:57:00.000-05:00

Progress Report
03-Sep-04
weight 133.0
waist(inch) 31.0
bicep 11.5

01-Oct-04
weight 131.6
waist 28.0
bicep 11.125

05-Nov-04
weight 126.4
waist 27.3
bicep 11.375

So here are the results for the weightloss contest/competition thing going on at work.. I guess this makes me the biggest 'loser'... hihihi
I'm so happy about my results, I just wanted to share this info with everyone! :)

Remember.. work hard and eat well!

Just a baby..

2004-11-03T11:44:00.001-05:00

I always thought I would look like an adult by the time I hit 21... Yet here I am sitting at 25 years of age.. still looking like I'm underage!
Sometimes I wonder how I don't look like I'm 40 considering all the events that took place in the last 12 years of my life...

Today is a shitty day... I don't know why, but something is off, like reality is sitting around the corner just waiting to sprawl out and bite me in the ass!

Uuuuuuuuu.... Deathflowers!

2004-11-02T20:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, deathflowers are nice! My great aunt always took carnations to her father's grave once every two weeks.. she said that they lasted the longest.. somewhere along the way, I picked up on the fact that carnations are for dead people.. and if someone gave you carnations for a special occasion, you know something bad was coming because it's not nice to give carnations to people you care about... unless you want them to die..

I probably should be the very last one to complain about getting deathflowers taking into consideration that smoking one cigarette is already one too many and I'm killing myself slowly anyhow so what the hell does it matter if the person who gave me death flowers didn't know about my great aunt and her crooked ways to make me believe whatever bizarre things she herself believed.... I'm down with the deathflowers.. this time.. but if i ever get them again, from anyone, they better start running for the hills because their ass is grass!

Sometimes, though.. silence says it best... After you get deathflowers, you may wonder if perhaps this person is clairvoyant and wants to put you in your place so that you're always good and never step out of the dotted lines.. or you can use the silence to comtemplate the best way to inquire as to what motivated them to get you deathflowers of all things... perhaps I really AM morbid, with my incessant images of graves and cemeteries... Now I feel weird... you suck!

Missing you.. Ode to someone special

2004-10-25T19:10:00.000-04:00

A streetlight flickered
as I held you in the night
the shadows in your room
danced about
like dizzy leaves
twirling in the wind

I clutched on to the moment
feeling its permanence
hastily slipping away
Like the bitter moon
giving way to the eager sun

Fear devoured me whole
as if a lion consuming its prey

I held on for dear life
hoping daylight would never come
that the moment would never end
that my hands would never again
be empty of you

I wished that my eyes would always
be witness to your smile
that my body would always feel
the gentle nature of your caress

The start of a new day
brought forth a melancholy
that overshadowed my crimson mind

With my departure,
I leave a piece of myself with you..

Today, I have no words to spare..
sometimes, a saddened smile says it best

Oct. 25,2004
7:05 pm

Cross-eyed... or trying!

2004-10-25T15:54:00.000-04:00

I found out something rather peculiar this weekend... I cannot cross my eyes when in close proximity of someone else's face! Like standing nose to nose!

That will be your homework, kiddies... do an eskimo kiss on your friend, your loved one, your dog, cat, whoever.. and try to cross your eyes while holding that eskimo kiss stance!

If anyone out there is successful, let me know.. I tried my best without avail!

My favourite part!

2004-10-21T14:47:00.000-04:00

I admit it ...

I love necks - There's nothing like a nice slender neck!
Yeah, some girls like a tight ass or soccer legs.. a great smile, or perfect hair..
But not me... give me a good looking neck and i am DONE! Anything beyond that is a welcomed plus, but not a necessity!

So I went to the mall today to get my digital images developed.. I'm terribly upset because in order to have 4x6 pics developed, i had to crop ALL my images... I want to cry! :( I hope the quality does not suffer, because I have some pretty remarkable shots that I know i will not be able to duplicate!

C'est ca for now...
C.*

Eh bien...

2004-10-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

It's frigid cold in the house.. and I'm considering finding myself a piece of glass and cutting out shapes with my nipples!

How much longer is this construction crap supposed to drag out for?
Even Angel has written a poem about it for her latest english assignment, I think it's getting to her as well, considering the mr. and mrs. are sleeping in her room, and heaven knows how much she loves her space..

Who doesn't, really!?

I'm an animal!

2004-10-18T10:22:00.000-04:00

*taken by Jules in London, England*

Here i am.. contemplating the feat I am about to do.... Licking the plate!
I'm all about first impressions, no doubt about that!

It's nice to be able to do stupid things, like licking a plate with melty chocolate icecream in front of people who don't think you are gross or psychotic!
I have great people in my life... and I hope they can always forgive me for doing stupid things, like stiffing them on plans that were set in stone for the sake of my own selfish endeavours!

*bows head in shame*

I'm an animal, alright.. an irrational one!

It's coming!

2004-10-15T10:46:00.000-04:00

Halloween is on its way! I hope somebody other than ME dresses up for work! And if no one else does, that won't stop me from doing it!

Last year I showed up as a unibomber, being the culturally sensitive chick that i am! I wore my army fatigue, my makeshift bomb complete with a working clock and all, and the picture of a coworker on my back with a big red dash going through it.. I got some really good laughs!

I gotta do something really special this year... Off to the fabric store i go! ;)

So...

2004-10-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

There is nothing to bitch about these days... Which explains my lack of posts, lately...

I don't know what exactly happened on my trip, but my deep rooted melancholy has melted away, leaving nothing behind but an overwhelmind feeling of optimism and absolute delight!

I find myself walking taller... with a smile on my face that still feels alien to me, but I'm getting used to it... Others around me have noticed the change and often comment on it!

My new found hapiness has been faciliated by those closest to me, and I am thankful for their presence in my life!

SO.. all of you out there whose heart is filled with pain and grief.. smile! It's a small start to better days yet to come!

2004-10-04T22:43:00.000-04:00

Edinburgh, view from Cemetery

2004-10-04T22:41:00.000-04:00

Den Haag Fountain

2004-10-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

Edinburgh - Scotland

2004-10-04T22:39:00.000-04:00

Signs - Zaanse Schans Netherlands

2004-10-04T22:37:00.000-04:00

Windmills - Zaanse Schans

2004-10-04T22:36:00.000-04:00

Clogs - Amsterdam

2004-10-04T22:35:00.000-04:00

Coolest Flowers ever - Den Haag

2004-10-04T22:34:00.001-04:00

Creepy spider - Den Haag

2004-10-04T22:34:00.000-04:00

Fountain with Rainbow - Den Haag

2004-10-04T22:33:00.000-04:00

Random kites, Scheveningen - Den Haag

2004-10-04T22:32:00.000-04:00

O'neill Kitesurfing competition - Scheveningen Den Haag - Netherlands

** The epitome of absurd **