Flood pants

My mom was right.. she did make my pants too short! She hemmed them up 'cause, as always, all the pants out there are far too long for my little legs.. Sadly, she took out a bit too much, so now i am wearing my black dress pants just above the crotch so that they look like they are the perfect length.. But when i sit down, there is no fooling anyone!

Everyone's chatting it up at work.. I'm lucky in the sense that I work in an environment that allows for interaction with co-workers, so no complaints in that department. Still, I long for my bed since my lack of adequate sleep last night left me feeling quite ill.. more so than yesterday when i felt like a giant paper mache' head on a toothpick. I literally feel so sick today that I want to drape myself over a toilet and puke my gallbladder and all other entrails.

My desire to go home is actually next to zero as my options for amusement at home are limited to activities on the computer... or cooking.. or cleaning.. I miss watching Spongebob and Dead like Me.. I should have brought my dvd player with me, but I left it at home for Andreia. I'm really crabby and miserable, as you can tell, but I'm not even sure if it's from having a cold anymore... or from the fact that i wake up before 7 every day, long before the alarm goes off... I feel like i am in a constant state of stress and panic over the impending bills up ahead.. or having it all rest on my shoulders.. Making sure i have enough to make ends meet.. I'm going mental, and i don't realize it until i burst into tears as i am driving around to work or from work.. I don't think much will change until i settle into some sort of routine, and know that i will be ok financially at the end of the month. Until then, I will keep rocking back and forth on my chair!

Two more weeks to go!

*Thud*

That's me.. passing out! After an exhaustive two weeks of moving and driving and carrying/lifting many MANY items, I feel dead to the world... I survived my first week of mon-sunday work, and now i've been hit with a cold that threatens to rob me of sleep and keep me in a semi-sedated state for my awake hours..

I guess I really should not be taking this whole being away from my family so hard, considering that for many years i wished to be out of the house.. Not like i can tell my mother that, cause she is so damn miserable herself that she cries her eyes out whenever she sees me... Telling her that i don't feel great myself would just enforce her belief that i really should be home with her.

I know I should be happy, but i couldn't feel farther from that feeling right now.. I just want to hide under a rock and never come out again!

I just hope that it gets easier somehow!

P.S. - I've magically lost all sorts of weight because of stress and early morning exercise... actually, mostly stress.

Finally, a break!

Today, 28 July 2006
Every once in a while life is in a generous mood, and that's likely to be the case with you. This could manifest in a number of ways, some not entirely unexpected, but others a complete surprise. While these are so exciting that you might be anxious, things really are just as good as they seem.

So here's the deal.. I went out today to look at an apartment by York U, and i fell in love with it and its surroundings, and i made it my own.. it was too good to pass on!
I get home and my sister tells me to call this girl I had an interview with yesterday.. turns out she wants to give me a job!

Wow, never would have expected the sun to come out for me today!

Time to celebrate... FINALLY!!

Kisses to all of those who showed me their support and kind words of encouragement.. thanks especially to Nancy who gave me a great reference! :)

Love yas

C.*

Park fun!

Who put that stove there!??

***Cringe***

The countdown begins... the countdown to the end of the infernal internship i have been doing for the past month or so... And do i ever hate it! Everyday i pray for death, or some horrile mangling accident that will keep me from finishing the full placement!

As always, new changes bring about much anguish and sleepless nights for me.. Not getting any phonecalls regarding interviews is not helping the cause either! :(

I wanna curl up into a little ball and cry myself into a coma..

For those who believe.. pray for me, will you??

C.*

HURRAH!!

It finally happened... I just had my very last class today!
I have officially finished school!

I graduate in June, though... and i still have 2 essays to hand in once all my field placements finish.. but really... i am done! :)


So what's next?? Probably back to paper whoring, because although there is high demand for DSW workers, there are very few full-time positions... and i can't support two people on good intentions!

Wish me luck... things are about to get interesting!

a looooooooooooooong hiatus!

Now that i no longer work at Expertech, i do not update my blog as i have always done my entries at work when i was bored... nowadays the only time i have at the computer is a few minutes right after my sister goes to sleep, moments before i feel tired myself....

School has been much more draining than i had imagined, as the environment is not highly condusive to my learning! Luckily, i am only there once a week!

My part time job is keeping me afloat financially for now, but i am about to embark on 4 days per week for my co-op placement, so my funds will be drastically reduced! :/ (Oh, for those of you that don't know.. i have to pay school to do my co-op placement, and not the other way around!)

Any free time i have is spent driving to Woodstock to see the beau and help him out with home things.. makes me feel good, but is a little draining.... Good thing it is temporary as he will be moving down to the big T-dot in the summer!
Yeay me, or rather, yeay us!

Contact with friends is minimal, if any... and i am starting to lose my marbles!
Other than that.. I graduate June 20, so yeay me!

If you think of me.. send me chocolate!

I am still dreaming of Scotland and longing for my next trip

Today, dear Cancer, a love relationship could be plagued by doubts, uncertainties, and insecurities. Does your beloved share your passion? Is your friend being honest and open with you? Furthermore, does this relationship have a future? The only way to get past these inner conflicts is to take one step at a time, and take a good long look at the results of each step. Only in this way will your doubts be resolved one way or the other.

Devoid

Funny, no one ever asks me if i want help unless i ask for it or raise hell...
Few accept the fact that underneath all this cynicism there is a wounded person that needs lots of love and nurturing.. fewer less go out of their way to offer me what i need.

Right now all i have is an empty feeling - this saint is no more!

Things i didn't know..

According to my dad (as per a conversation he had with my sister this weekend which i was at work) :

I am 22...

I am still living at home because I am a failure, and not because i was threatened with being disowned if i moved out before getting married.

I do not yet have a career because of my choice of post-secondary school, had i not chosen architecture (God knows where he got that one from) i would have been better off today!

My sister will also have a horrible life like myself because of her choice of highschool (God doesn't look out for those in public school)


And then a lecture at 6 this morning...

According to my mother:

Not only middle class people like ourselves have problems with making choices as far as careers.. it appears that rich kids have that problem also! (Shockin, isn't it?)

I should start having children now before it is too late, because I am getting close to 30 and my mother hit menopause at 45 which means that my biological clock has just fast-forwarded a decade...

I should not wait to "start my life" with someone when everything is "perfect" because that will never happen.


And the following i learnt last night:

People who have been psychologically damaged by their parents make awesome social service workers because apparently need to be crazy in order to keep from burning out!

Yeay, unemployment!

Yes yes... i have lost my full-time job due to 'restructuring'.... i.e - the company can afford all the execs who make money off the little people, but not the little people themselves... they don't count!

So please, don't email me at work because i won't be there!
I'm at home, feeling like a criminal considering that they walked me off the premises on monday after sunday when no one else was there, so none of my coworkers knew i was not returning until yesterday when i called and let them know! Yeay, working is fun!

As a side note, my dad's hours have been drastically cut, and he might be out of a job until next Jan or Feb..... MERRY CHRISTMAS!